Sex chat 1999 - Codependent dating relationships

COMMENTS ABOUT HUFFINGTON POST PAGE BY SHAHIDA ARABI Here are some of my thoughts regarding the following page, hosted on “Huffington Post”: Abuse Victims Are Not Codependent, They’re Trauma-Bonded by Shahida Arabi Like many other deniers, Shahida Arabi believes that it is “victim blaming” to note that codependency can or does play a role in some women’s mistreatment.It is not “victim blaming” to take note that codependency can and does play a factor in abusive relationships any more than it is victim blaming to advise people to lock their doors at night to reduce the risk of having a burglar enter their home as they are sleeping to steal their television set. As I believe I noted above [in previous post here], not all men are initially attracted to codependent women – some do in fact seek out “strong” women who have healthy boundaries. But even experts on domestic abuse, and psychologists and psychiatrists who write about passive women who are in abusive relationships note, many to most abusers do intentionally seek out codependents as victims to target, because codependents typically have poor boundaries, which makes them far, far easier to exploit than women who have healthy boundaries.Expecting reciprocity and respect from our partners isn’t unrealistic, it’s LOVE.

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in my life with the issues, and I’m stuck cleaning up their messes.”I didn’t think I was a codependent person either, until I was slammed into reality one night in a Barnes & Noble aisle.

There I was, sprawled under the four shelves labeled “Addiction,” desperately thumbing through each book with shiny streaks down my face.6 Twisted, Confusing Things ALL Master Emotional Manipulators Do My husband’s painkiller habit escalated to a full-blown addiction, and at that point, sitting in that aisle, I felt myself crumbling under the weight.

Arabi stated: ‘Even if you feel you have codependent traits or were ‘primed’ by childhood abuse, the abuse you’ve experienced in any stage of your life is still not your fault.

You are not an “enabler” of the abuser.’ (end quote) Arabi is completely incorrect on this last point.

All in all, though, codependency is an emotional dysfunction that affects so many aspects of life.

Taking care of our needs — really ourselves — isn’t selfish or narcissistic, it’s actually incredibly healthy.

We’re always there to help or give advice, often without anyone asking for it.

Believe it or not, it’s a very subtle dysfunction, like a low-boiling simmer that heats up our lives just enough to be uncomfortable, yet bearable.(Except, trust me, it’ll eventually burn you and everyone you love.) In a lot of ways, the sacrificial, martyr-like role of codependence is totally culturally acceptable, especially for women, but that doesn’t make it healthy.“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior,” said Melody Beattie in her groundbreaking book , which may have been the most important, eye-opening book I’ve ever read.

Family and friends regularly told me how “strong” I was for keeping everything (including my marriage) together all these years, but I had no strength left.

When people innocently asked me how I was, I started to sob. And yet the answer I found that night completely changed the course of my life.

If my sister abused me over the phone, I would sit and listen quietly for hours as she berated me.

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